SkADaMo 2014

Attention shoppers! It is now 9:00 and our store is closing.
9:00! Great Scott! The store is gonna close!
Santa can’t wait all night.
Come on up on Santa’s lap.
Get moving, kid. Quit dragging your feet.

santaeyeoutsanta
And what’s your name, little boy?
Hey, kid, hurry up, the store’s closing!
Listen, little boy, we got a lot of people waiting here, so get going!
What do you want for Christmas, little boy?
My mind had gone blank.
Frantically I tried to remember what it was I wanted.
I was blowing it, blowing it.
How about a nice football?
Football. What’s a football?
Without conscious will, my voice squeaked out:
Football.
Okay, get him out of here.
A football!    Oh, no. What was I doing?
Wake up, stupid, wake up!
I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot… range model air rifle.

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

Here comes Santa Claus


All that toy making and list reading makes a fellow a little ranky dank…. but not to worry, he’ll be one sweet smelling,  jolly old elf when he gets to your house! Don’t forget to leave his cookies…. and maybe a bar of Irish Spring next to the plate.  Irish Spring…. manly yes… but Santa likes it too!

Illustration Friday ~ Prehistoric

Here’s a quickie I worked on for “prehistoric.”  I admit it, I love the caveman commercials!

Most of my time right now is being spent working on working on my first picture book, due out in the spring of 2011! So if I seem out of the loop… you’ll find me at my wacom, painting detailed illustrations of snuggly creatures.

Have You Seen This Guy

santa_flawYou better watch out… You don’t and you’ll cry
You better not doubt… I’m telling you why…
Santa Flaws is coming to town!

He smells like a fungus. He’s covered with lice.
He spits when he talks… and he’s not very nice.
Santa Flaws is coming to town!

He sneaks in while you’re sleeping
And eats up all the cake
He drinks the beer and kicks the dog
So beware for goodness sake!

You better watch out… You don’t and you’ll cry,
You better not doubt… I’m telling you why… Santa Flaws is coming to town!
by Roberta Baird

The side of the family that no one wants to talks about!